After the Crime
by Nordique1
Summary: Takes place after the Season 6 , Crime andPpunishment episode.
1. Chapter 1

Julia stepped on the scale and for once in her life, she did not care what the number was. She looked up as the young executioner wrote down her weight, then her height. His hand was shaking and he looked up to her with tears in his eyes.

"I'll take good care of you. You know that don't you? " He paused for a second before continuing. "I have not had a botched hanging in months. I'm much better at it now. Pain will be…" Catchole choked up. He could not finish his sentence. Somehow this time, the words held no comfort.

Even now in the middle of this nightmare Julia could not help but smile at the young man. He had had a crush on her for years, dating back to her morgue days. This was very difficult for him.

"I know Gideon. I know you'll do a good job." She replied gently. He smiled back sadly at her and looked at her hair.

"I'm so sorry about your hair Doctor. I told them it could wait until tomorrow, but they refuse to listen to me. Julia took her hand up to her hair back and encountered the unfamiliar feel of her bare neck.

"Thank you. Thank you for trying." She answered. Having her hair cut, that had almost undone her…..

Clip, clip, clip. Each cut of the scissors had been like a drop of water on fresh snow leaving big holes in the armour she had managed to build around herself. She had been trying so hard over the last few days to hold herself together, for William, for her father, for Ruby, for everybody; but with the haircut, she had nearly lost it. She had only realized she had been crying when her tears had fallen on her hands tightly clasped together on her lap.

Catchpole walked her back to her cell. William was due for a visit in a few minutes. She had to get herself together before he arrived. She heard the sound of the outer doors opening and closing. It was him. She was not sure who had exerted enough influence to allow visitors in her cell, but she was glad they did. The moment he walked into her cell, she threw herself in his arms. They held each other silently for the longest time. Finally William looked up and tenderly touched her cropped hair.

"Oh Julia. Your hair. Your beautiful hair." He hesitated before continuing: "It'll grow back."

"Yes." She answered sadly. "It'll grow back."

William stayed with her for a few more minutes explaining what avenue he was now pursuing in trying to establish her innocence. At each of his statement, she agreed and encouraged him in his search. Just a few more minutes she said to herself. Just hold it together for a few more minutes. They then heard a noise behind them and looked up. It was Julia's father. William turned back to Julia.

"I must go. There is so much I need to do." He took her in his arms again. Julia was using every tool Dr. Freud had taught her to stop herself from falling apart in front of William. Just a few more seconds, that was all she needed. Julia watched William leave. She counted the seconds in her head while she heard him walk away. She closed her eyes for a moment, took in a long breath, rebuilt her armour and turned to her father.

He slowly came in her cell and sat down beside her and said: "Oh Julia, You are so much like your mother. She did the same thing to me you know."

Not understanding, Julia looked up to him: "The same thing? Father, what do you mean?"

"When she was dying of that horrible disease." Her father answered. "I would bring in every specialist I could think of, hoping the next doctor would save her. I pretended I could save her and she let me pretend. She was so strong for everybody. "

He stopped for a second: "You don't have to be strong with me Jules."

As he talked, the minuscule crack in Julia's shell grew, but it was her old childhood name that was her undoing: "Oh Daddy…."

He responded in kind: "Oh my Jules. Come here."

And like he used to do when she was a little girl, he held her in his arms and consoled her as she cried.


	2. Chapter 2

Julia looked at William sleeping. She gently touched his face trying not to wake him up. He looked so peaceful. It was early, really early, about 5 o'clock. She slowly, delicately untangled herself from him, quickly got dressed and went up on deck.

William woke up and like every morning, he was alone. By the cool temperature of the bed beside him, Julia was long gone. She worried him. Since he had managed to get her exonerated from the murder charge, she had been distant, seemingly living in her own world. After it was all over, they had quietly married. It did not take long for William to notice that something was bothering her. Seeing how restless she was, he had suggested the trip.

He walked on the deck looking for his wife. There were very few people around this early. He looked around and could not find her. In the distance, he could see a slight man leaning on the railing, looking out to the sea. Something about him was familiar. William looked closer and a small smile came to his lips. There were the trousers he had been looking for earlier. He walked over.

"Good morning Mrs. Murdoch, or should I say Mr. Murdoch."

Julia looked up and smiled back him as she answered: "Good morning William. Did you sleep well?"

"Yes. I did." He looked at her, wearing his clothes. "If I'd known we would be sharing clothes, I would have brought more."

Julia touched her short hair: "Well I though since I look like a man these days, I might as well take advantage of it. I just needed some fresh air and your clothes look so inviting, so comfortable. I could not resist."

William looked at his wife. Even with short hair and wearing men's clothing she was still the most beautiful woman he knew; beautiful, but haunted. He had been avoiding this conversation for days.

"Julia. Will you be all right?"

Her head shifted slightly, her eyes evading his as she answered his question with one of her own: "Why do you ask William?"

"Since it's been over, you've been distant, somehow lost in yourself. "

Julia took a long breath before answering. Talking about it was difficult, like exposing a wound. "William, in the last year I have been buried alive and nearly hanged." She saw that he was about to speak, but she did not allow him.

"Before you say it, it is not your fault. Gilles was at fault here, not you, but…" She had to stop for a few seconds.

"But this second encounter with him has given me food for thoughts, about my future"

William swallowed hard. She was worrying him: "About us?"

Julia immediately shook her head. "No, no, not about us. You are the only solid thing in my life right now. If there is one thing I am sure of, it is you. No, I meant more about what I will do when I return from Europe."

William immediately noticed the singular pronoun. When she returned from Europe? He chose to let it go for now.

"You do not want to go back to work at the asylum?" he asked.

"I am not sure anymore William. The work can be draining. Probing people's mind, sharing their pain.. I love the work, but I don't know if I will be strong enough."

"You will return to your private practice then perhaps?" William said.

Julia shrugged her shoulders. "I am not sure of that either, the poverty, the overwrought mothers, the sick children. I do not think I can take that either."

William could not figure out where she was going with this.

"I don't understand Julia. You no longer want to work? While the traditionalist in me does not mind, I don't think you will be happy long staying home knitting my socks."

The comment brought a smile to her lips. "I don't even know how to knit and you know it." She then took on a more serious look as she put her arm around his waist and leaned into him.

"Don't worry about not understanding me William, because right now I don't understand myself either. All I know is that I cannot face the emotional demands the work requires." She hesitated before she continued.

"I never told you William, but last year after our first encounter with Gilles, I…. I went through a difficult time. It was much worse that I let you believe. I'm worried of falling back into that dark hole. I feel like the smallest little thing could break me right now."

William tightened his arm around her shoulder.

"Julia, I love you. I've loved you forever it seems. But for the longest time, you were this unattainable star: beautiful, intelligent, rich, independent. Now today, against all hope here you are, married to me. After all that has happened, I am just happy we are together. Anything you decide, I will abide by your choice."

Julia smiled her thanks back to him and rested her head on his shoulder.

"Thank you William. But that's just it. I'm not sure what I want anymore. The only think I'm sure of really is that I want to be married to you. "

Julia stopped for a moment before she continued.

"Before we sailed, I had a long talk with Ruby. While in London last year she dabbled with eastern religions. She even gave me a letter of introduction to a Buddhist priest." She looked up questionably at William. He understood immediately.

"You want to stay on in London, on your own to study with this priest?"

"Just for a month or two, will you mind?

William ruefully answered no. "Julia, I realized a long time ago that should we ever be able to marry, our marriage would be different. If you need to do this, then do it." He stopped to gather her in his arms. "But, I will miss you."

Julia hugged him back. "I will miss you also William, terribly." After a moment, he let her go, smiled and teased her a bit. "But I am surprised at you Julia, an atheist such as you, studying religion?"

She smiled back. "Well, it's more the meditation. Right now I need to find a way to reach some kind of peace."

Again, his vast knowledge came across as he teased her again by running his fingers through her short hair: "Will you shave what's left of it?"

She could not stop herself from laughing. "No." She answered. "I can't wait for it to grow out again. Although, I could get used to men's clothing... " Julia then became very serious as she put her hands on both sides of his face turning his head so she could look him directly in his eyes. "I love you, you know. More than I can say, more than I thought it was possible."

William gathered her in his arms and started kissing her. The few onlookers present on deck were shocked to see two men kiss each other so passionately.

The End.


	3. Chapter 3

William was absently looking out the window. He pulled Julia's telegram and reread it again. She was coming home, finally. What had supposed to be a two month stay had turned into a much considerably longer trip. He had missed her, so much more than he had the previous times she had left. He heard a noise and looked up. The inspector had finally come in. William immediately got up and walked over to Brackenried's office.

William greeted his superior: "Good morning sir."

"You're quick on the ball this morning Murdoch. Did we get a case last night?" Asked Thomas. This was normally the reason why William would barge into his office before the inspector even got his coat off.

William looked confused for a second. "A case? No, no Sir, hmm.. It's something else." William stopped talking for a second and looked at Brackenried. "It's something personal."

Brackenried stopped the tea cup halfway to his mouth and looked at the younger man. Murchoch's bachelorhood was a source of constant gossip at the station house. After all the hardship Julia and William had endured, nobody had understood why Murdoch had come back from Europe alone. Brackenried waited for William to continue.

"It's Julia Sir. She's coming back. Her ship will dock in Quebec next week."

The inspector looked at William: "Well lad, you must be happy. It's been a while."

William looked a bit uncomfortable: "That's just it sir. It's been so long. I'd like to be there in Quebec when her ship comes in. I know I have taken a lot of leave already this year, but I wonder, if I could have another week?"

Brackenried did not have the heart to refuse. Murdoch was well over his leave allotment, but considering the circumstances…. He walked over to William and tapped him on the back.

"Go get your wife Murdoch."

Julia was nervously getting dressed. The ship was just coming around the island and should dock shortly. She'd receive a telegram from William informing her he was meeting her right here in Quebec. He'd not had the patience of waiting the extra two days it would take for the train to take her from Quebec City to Toronto. His impatience pleased and unnerved her all at the same time. She had not meant to stay away so long, but the weeks had just seemed to add up so quickly. Finally it had taken Ruby to give her the push she needed:

"You can't stay here forever you know that don't you? Ruby had told her.

Julia had looked away, not able to meet her sister's eyes. "I know."

"So then?" insisted Ruby

"I needed time Ruby. Time to heal. I just did not realize I would need so much." Julia whispered back.

"And now? Are you ready to go back? William can only wait for so long you know?"

Julia took a long breath. "William is the only reason I am going back. If it were left to me, I would not set foot in Toronto again." She paused for a second. "But Toronto is where his career is; where he wants to live, and I have come to accept, where we will be."

"So have you secured passage yet?" insisted Ruby.

Julia smiled at her sister. "You are relentless aren't you?" But you are right. It is time."

She had booked her passage the next day and had informed William of her return.

Julia got off the ship and started looking for William. The crowd was thick, but finally she saw him. The hustle and bustle of the port momentarily disappeared as she started walking towards him. By the second step, she was running. He gathered her in his arms and started kissing her. The kiss seemed to last forever and was getting heated when Julia finally broke it off.

"Have you booked us rooms? She asked

"Yes." He answered immediately.

"Let's go then."

Julia woke up. It was late afternoon. They'd come to their rooms directly and hadn't left their bed since. She looked over on William's side. He was gone. She got up and put on William's discarded shirt. He was in the sitting room looking over some of the books she had brought back for him. He was so engrossed; he did not hear her as she silently walked up behind him. She slowly put her arms around him. He looked up and smiled.

"Hello."

She greeted him back by kissing him.

"You are insatiable today Mrs. Murdoch." William finally said when he caught his breath.

"I missed you William. Much more so than I thought I would." She answered.

"And now you are back." He said

"Yes. I am back." She responded. After a few seconds she added: "For good this time."

The joy in his eyes was so wonderful to see that she could not help but feel guilty at having made him wait so long for her: "I'm sorry William. Sorry, I was away so long."

"Oh Julia. I missed you, but I understood. I understood you needed time. Time away from Toronto. After what happened…." He paused and looked at her straight in the eyes as she came around to sit beside him.

"William. I do realize how lucky I am being married to you. Most husbands would not have your patience, your understanding, your support."

"And, have you been able to decide anything?" William asked. Waiting before asking her these questions would be wiser. She had only been back for a few hours after all, but he had waited long enough. He needed to know.

"Yes. I have." She answered. She took a long breath. "Do you still want to adopt?"

William had not expected the question. It took him a few moments to understand what Julia was saying. "Yes. I do."

"Well in that case." continued Julia. "I think we should do it right away, when we return to Toronto."

While William agreed with her, he needed to know she was sure about this. "Why now? Why this soon Julia?"

"We are not exactly spring chickens William." Said Julia. "We both want a family, we should start now." She paused for a second. He deserved a better explanation:

"When I was younger William, children never figured in my plans. I knew they were an impossibility for me and I steered my life around that construct. Then… Then I met you." She paused to touch his face gently. "You threw my whole life upside down William. I started to long for what I knew I could not have, family children... you. You derailed me. Leaving for Buffalo was part of that; it was putting my life back on the rails I had always planned to travel on. I met Darcy. He fulfilled the role of the man I had expected to marry: colleague, friend, partner. For a while it worked. We were happy together, but …. there was you. There was always you….. When you came back from the Yukon and we worked that case, I knew it then. I knew that if I saw you every day, my marriage to Darcy would not stand a chance. So I left… again. I tried, and Darcy and I had a semblance of happiness. I was content."

Julia took a moment to gather her thoughts before continuing.

"But I was greedy William. Content was not enough. I wanted more. I wanted you." Tears had slowly started to come down her cheeks. "My greed caused Darcy's death William. No matter how much I try to reconcile everything that happened, nothing will ever change that fact. It is something that I will have to live with forever. I needed time to come to terms with that William, on my own, without pressure….."

William finished her sentence: "from me."

"Yes, from you. " She whispered back.

William swallowed hard and asked: "And now?"

"Now." She answered. "Now I know that life is not a train travelling on a straight line. Life is more like water going down a hill taking detours, changing path…. "

William gathered her in his arms and held her for the longest time. Finally he spoke:

"And children? Right now? This is where we are then?"

"For me, yes." Answered Julia. "And you?"

He smiled at that. "Julia, do you really need to ask? Of course I am ready. And work. What will you do with work?"

"Simpler "patients" would be in order right now I think." She answered. "I thought I would ask Emily if she could use my help a day or two a week at the morgue. With a child and eventually children, I do not want the long hours I use to keep. So if they'll have me, I thought I could go back. What do you think?"

William smiled back happily at her. "I think it's wonderful. I have missed you at the morgue " He paused for a second.

"When I first met you, all those years ago, I used to invent reasons to go visit you there you know?"

She smiled back at him. "You too?" I used to always keep a little detail back from my reports. It would give me an excuse to walk over at the station house to see you."

They both smiled at their shared memories. He gently put a hand on her now shoulder long hair. "Your hair has grown back a fair amount."

"Yes it has." She answered. "It's like me in a way. It's not exactly where I want to be, but it's getting there." She paused and smiled at him. "Enough talking Detective. Take me back to bed."

He smiled back as he led her back to the bedroom: "Yes Doctor."


End file.
